


Ode to the good old days

by Pollarize



Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: M/M, Psychosis, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Thoughts of Self-harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-06
Updated: 2016-09-06
Packaged: 2018-08-13 09:45:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7972318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pollarize/pseuds/Pollarize
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What would you do, Tyler? I've asked you two times now, what would you do?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ode to the good old days

**Author's Note:**

> so this is based off a video and a caption i saw on insta. no spoilers though have fun rip.
> 
> translated into russian [here](https://ficbook.net/readfic/4749299)

_ Tyler had finished his year in college and decided to take the rest off. Him, Nick, and Chris were all really excited about the prospect of starting a band. They’d had such big hopes for it all.  _

 

_ “Do you think we could ever do a sold out show?” Chris asked, setting his drumsticks down. Nick and Tyler both looked at him and then at each other, grins on their faces. Tyler shrugged before looking back to Chris. _

 

_ “Wouldn’t that be something?” He asked, trying to picture what it would look like to be on stage for a sold out venue.  _

 

_ “What if we got to play at like, Madison Square Garden?” Nick said. All of it was fueling a fire inside Tyler, a passion to just get out there and do it. He knew it wasn’t that easy but he was still hoping, praying every night. It was his dream to be able to share his story in front of so many people. _

 

_ As a writer, he didn’t want to just do silly love songs like everyone else, he wanted it all to be real and he wanted to connect with others. He wanted to share his story and hear how it helped other people. He wanted that more than anything. _

 

_ “Be real,” Chris said with a laugh but he didn’t put it down any more than that. He wanted it just as much as the other two. _

 

_ ~~~ _

 

_ Everything started out small after that. They messed around in their garages and rooms and came up with small bass riffs or drumlines. Tyler was always writing lyrics so it wasn’t hard for him to put the words to music. He was proud of his ideas. It didn’t take long until they were all agreeing that they should try recording it themselves and see how it went. Tyler had already gotten some equipment for a small album he messed around with a couple years before.  _

 

_ So they did just that. They found a good title and recorded an album that all three of them were proud of. They played small gigs at parties or as opening acts for bigger bands. For a while, no one gave two shits about their music but slowly they made a name for themselves in their city. People started wanting to actually see Twenty One Pilots perform.  _

 

_ A girl came up to them at one of their shows, smiling so wide and holding their CD in hand.  _ __  
_  
_ __ “I was wondering if you guys would sign this?” She asked nervously. The three of them looked at each other with shocked faces before nodding their heads enthusiastically.

 

_ “Of course!” _

 

_ They stood around and talked for awhile with the girl. She explained that she had actually come to see them and not even the headlining band. _

 

_ “To be honest, I don’t even know that bad. I just remembered you guys from a different show and wanted to see it again. Your lyrics are some of the best I’ve heard and you just were so interesting on stage,” she exclaimed and Tyler beamed with pride. It was the feedback he was hoping he would get, not actually expecting it to happen so soon though. _

 

_ “We really appreciate that,” Chris said, knowing that Tyler was thinking those words but was too lost in his own head to voice them.  _

 

_ ~~~ _

 

_ Tyler’s favorite part of performing is when they could invite people who actually knew them to come and watch. They had their families come and cheer them on and even friends. _

 

_ Chris invited his coworker one night and that was probably Tyler’s favorite night out of all of them. _

 

_ Before their set, Chris approached Tyler a bit nervously. _

 

_ “Okay, so I showed this guy at work our CD and he asked if he could come watch us play. I’m not saying make this good, but make this good. Josh likes to shit talk sometimes and I really wanna wipe that damn smirk off his face,” Chris explained but it seemed good-natured.  _

 

_ He did just what Chris asked. He got up there and gave it his all (though he usually did anyway). The crowd loved it and Josh did too, apparently. They met after the set. Tyler followed Chris through the crowd until they stopped in front of a curly haired boy with a soft smile. _

 

_ “I’ll give it to you, Chris, you guys actually have something going here,” the boy said, turning to Tyler then and smiling. _

 

_ “Hey, sorry, I’m Josh, I work with Chris,” he said, holding his hand out with that same smile. Tyler returned it and shook his hand. _

 

_ “I’m Tyler.” _

 

_ Tyler actually liked Josh. He was easy to hang around and he had the same passion for music as Tyler did. They were hanging out after a show and it got into the late hours of the night when it was near impossible to not share personal information. _

 

_ “You’re in a band?” Tyler asked, opening his bag of cheetos. Josh nodded, swallowing his food before speaking. _

 

_ “Yeah, but not really,” he said with a frown. Tyler just waited for him to continue, already sensing the words coming. _

 

_ “I’m touring with them a little as a fill in for their drummer. He’s spending time with family, if I remember right he just had a kid or some shit. He’s gonna come back though and then I’ll have to give it up.” Tyler really wished that he had an opening to offer Josh. _

 

_ “I’m sure someone will be willing to adopt you into their band or something,” he said honestly, frowning because he knew what it felt like to be so close to touching dreams and then have it torn away. _

 

_ ~~~ _

 

_ The band was their start to something great and Tyler had so many plans for it all. _

 

_ But slowly, he watched those fall apart. _

 

_ Practices came slower and slower, more and more excuses coming in. Tyler seemed to be the only one with an open schedule. _

 

_ “Sorry man, work is getting busy and I’m pulling an extra shift.” _

 

_ “I’m driving my sister to soccer practice tonight.” _

 

_ “I’m just tired, maybe tomorrow?” _

 

_ Nick and Chris both apologized one day, saying that they didn’t have time anymore. It came as a low blow to Tyler, he’d wanted this so damn bad and it seemed that the world just wasn’t on his side this time. _

 

_ “What about the concert next week?” He asked and his two friends shrugged and gave another apology, leaving Tyler to either find a replacement or cancel. _

 

_ “Ask Josh, he might be able to help out for a night,” Chris offered and Tyler wanted something more permanent but it was good for a night. _

 

_ Josh agreed right away, telling Tyler that he would love to play. _

 

_ Unfortunately, the show got canceled of its own accord early. Typically, when police officers show up, they wanted to get out of their as soon as possible. Besides a couple things, it wasn’t even their own equipment so they were able to get out without getting caught. _

 

_ Josh busted up laughing when they stopped in some park, doubling over to try and catch his breath. _

 

_ “I’ve never played a show that was that exciting,” he said finally, looking over to Tyler who was in just about the same position. He was shaking his head as he looked up at Josh. _

 

_ “Crazy idiot,” he said fondly before straightening himself. _

 

An idea came to his mind.

 

“Uh, Josh?” He asked, nervousness bubbling up. This seemed like his last chance at keeping his bands name alive and he was hoping.

 

“Yeah?”   
  
“So, you know Nick and Chris left, like permanently?” He started and Josh just stared, keeping his mouth shut. There was a flicker of emotion in Josh’s eye and Tyler thought that maybe it was hope, that maybe this was the best decision he had ever made in his entire life.

 

“And tonight was actually really fun and you’re a good drummer and you’ve got a nice energy,” he said, watching as a smile was forming on Josh’s face. 

 

“And I also don’t have a replacement yet for those two but, ya know. A spot’s open,” he said, offering it to Josh. It was more of a tease though because he kinda wanted to make Josh beg for the spot.

 

“Are you trying to tell me that you were so impressed by my skills as a drummer that there’s no other solution but to let me be your drummer so we can get ultra famous together and take over the world?” Josh asked, grinning when Tyler rolled his eyes.

 

“Something like that,” Tyler said.

 

Josh stuck his hand out and it was like that first night when they met again and Tyler never thought back then that he’d be asking Josh to join his band.

  
Yet here he was and it seemed like the best idea he’d had in awhile.

 

He shook Josh’s hand and smiled wide.

 

“So this is a thing,” Josh said, running his hand through his hair. Tyler laughed and nodded, walking quietly back to where they’d parked their car. 

 

~~~

 

They toured together and it was an amazing pairing. Their fans fed off of their growing friendship and stage energy. Josh brought something to the stage that Nick or Chris never could. While Tyler was happy to have started the band with his friends, he soon realized that the change was really only for the best. They were growing slowly but steadily, gaining attention of publishing companies that wanted to sign with them. They’d done it together and it was just perfect.

 

Tyler and Josh sat together one day, just relaxing and reflecting on their past couple of months.

 

“Didn’t ever think I’d get this far,” Josh admitted, rolling his head over until he could look at Tyler. He hummed his agreement, fiddling with his fingers to pass the time by.

 

They were silent for a long time and Tyler spaced out, getting caught up in his own head.

  
_ “What would you do?” _

 

“What do you mean?” Tyler asked, looking over at Josh. The boy just raised his eyebrows and shrugged.

 

“Didn’t say anything,” Josh confessed and they lapsed back into silence. Tyler scratched at his head, swearing up and down that he’d heard Josh speak. 

 

~~~

 

Twenty One Pilots grew and they were touring with huge bands that Tyler had listened to as a teenager. They were able to call those guys friends. 

 

“This is totally sick,” Tyler said, the first night of their tour with Fall Out Boy and Panic! At The Disco. Josh was in the same amount of shock, staring out at the stage. They were first up and hardly anyone in the crowd had come to see them. It didn’t matter, this was a huge step for them.

 

“So sick,” Josh finally whispered back, looking over to Tyler with a huge grin on his face. 

 

They played on stage for a bigger audience than they’d ever seen. They had quite a few people singing their lyrics back to them, they had the crowd pumped up. They listened to Tyler, they screamed when he got down on their level. They reached up to try and touch him. They screamed when Josh flipped off the piano. Tyler saw one girl who had tears on her face as Tyler stood over his drum. 

 

They hadn’t started the beat yet, a few more moments to get situated. He was crouched over the drum, using it for balance as he locked eyes with that girl.

 

“Thank you,” she mouthed to him and it was the first time someone had confessed that his words did something to them. It was the very first moment that Tyler truly felt like his life meant something. All he could do was smile at her and bite his lip to keep from crying. He stood up and looked across the sea of faces to his best friend. They made eye contact and then they were both drumming.

 

Tyler had never hit the drums so hard in his life but he felt like he owed it to that girl and anyone else in that room. 

 

~~~

 

They continued on with the tour and Josh would come to Tyler with his phone in hand. 

 

“Dude, I searched Tumblr and look what someone said about us.”

 

“I just saw this hashtag on someones tweet.”

 

“This girl tagged me in a selfie. The lyrics to Trees were her caption.”

  
Tyler smiled and nodded each time, not commenting on his rising fame. He would excuse himself to the bathroom and cry. 

 

It took all his effort not to breakdown on stage in front of a large audience. It was getting to be too much, the recognition, the understanding. People were messaging him, saying that they felt the same. They talked about suicide and self-harm, they talked about wanting everything to end and they knew that Tyler understood the feeling. They wanted him to know how powerful his words were, how helpful. Tyler remembered when he wrote them, when he felt empty inside and he felt alone. Josh wasn’t there, Chris or NIck wasn’t even there.

 

It took him back to his bedroom where he sat with the rubber band on his wrist, snap, snap, snapping it until his skin was red and puffy. It stopped working an hour ago, the urge to hurt himself growing stronger and stronger and it was only one reach away. His bedside dresser, hidden in a little box where he kept all of his things his mother would be horrified of. 

 

Tyler reached but instead grabbed a pen and a notebook. He ran down the stairs and fell onto the living room floor, writing and writing until the thoughts dulled and he was left empty and broken but unharmed. 

 

He sat on the tour bus now, crying as he remembered the feeling all too well, even still sometimes. There was a gentle knock on the door and Tyler knew who it was.

 

“Let me in.”

 

It was soft and gentle and so, so kind. Tyler stood up and opened the door for Josh even though it had been unlocked the whole time. Tyler sat back down on the floor and Josh sat with him. The space was too small for two fully grown men but neither cared. Tyler cried until his eyes burned and Josh sat quietly, watching the dust float through the air. 

 

“It’s weird,” Tyler started but didn’t elaborate. Josh understood anyway. They’d had the talk a long time ago about what Tyler’s lyrics meant. Tyler had spent a whole night going through each story about his dark past, explaining the feelings like Josh didn’t understand. They both cried when Josh said that he’d felt the same things. 

 

“I know.”

 

They sat together until another crew member begged for the toilet. Tyler left the bathroom with red and puffy eyes and no one commented on it. They had a decent mutual understanding.

 

Sniffles and red eyes were not to be commented on, the whole crew knew. 

 

~~~

 

They’d gone to a bar in celebration of a good show. Tyler didn’t know why tonight was any different but one bus pulled off the road and the others followed. Tyler blamed Brendon, mostly.

 

Tyler didn’t like the feeling of being out of control of his body so he asked for a lemonade. The guys stared at him but he shrugged and sipped at it happily. Josh asked for a beer and then switched to water, leaning over to tell Tyler that he wanted to fit in with the cool kids. 

 

They talked and laughed for a long time and they mostly left Tyler alone. He wasn’t upset, just wanted his thoughts to keep him company and they respected that. He was pulled out of his thoughts when Josh started talking to him.

 

_ “What would you do, Tyler?” _

 

“Do about what?” Tyler asked, looking over at Josh to find that he was laughing at some joke that Tyler had missed. He frowned when Josh looked back over at him, a curious expression on his face.

 

“What’s wrong?” Josh asked and Tyler shook his head.

 

“Nothing.”

 

~~~

 

Tyler stood in his parents living room when he got the call.

 

_ “Have you checked your email yet?”  _ Josh asked excitedly. Tyler frowned and looked at the time.

 

“No, what is it?” He asked, sitting down on the couch.

 

_ “We got approved for our very own tour.” _

 

They had just released Blurryface and Tyler was riding the high of his fans praise. He saw it being talked about over social media, they were being asked for interviews. The two boys from Ohio had made it. This was by far the biggest thing that they had done in their entire careers.

 

Tyler and Josh were ushed off for their first date, getting everything set up and ready. They sat down and talked to interviewers, answering the same questions a million times. They had made it.

 

Then they were backstage, sweaty and panting, their first show out of the way. Tyler was almost in tears as he stared at the darkened stage, the sounds of fans leaving the arena loud in his ears. He felt Josh walk up next to him.

 

_ “I’ve asked you twice now, what would you do?” _

 

“Stop asking me that,” Tyler said, annoyed now that Josh never explained. 

 

Josh didn’t understand. He let Tyler be alone for the rest of the night.

 

~~~

 

Two nights at Madison Square Garden, sold out. He’d only joked about this with Nick and Chris. They’d laughed and thought it would never happen, Chris said ‘be real’ but here he was. He had his suit on and he was tightening his tie. He was on the very last night of Madison Square Garden and the fans were talking as they waited. 

 

The lights dimmed and they screamed. 

 

The show was exhilarating. He was trying to remember his lyrics, trying not to mess up through the chant going through his head.  _ Wediditwediditwedidit  _ and he believed the voices in his head for once. He had done it. Him and Josh, together. 

 

They whipped their masks off and Tyler jumped around stage. They had friends that partied with them in the middle of the show. They got serious and Tyler cried. They finished the night strong and Tyler was atop his fans like he always did. Instead of meeting that girl’s eye, he looked around and met thousands of eyes. They all mouthed ‘thank you’ to him and he smiled right back. 

 

Tyler hit the drums harder than he ever had before.

 

They were pulled back on stage and the night was almost over. The fans were screaming and he vaguely heard his own song being sung to him from the crowd. He just needed to get out a few more words and then he could break down backstage with Josh hugging him. They stood together, linked as they wrapped arms around each other. 

 

Nine words.

 

_ “You’re delusional.” _

 

“We are Twenty One Pilots and so are you!”

 

_ “You’re delusional.” _

 

Tyler dropped to his knee, the breakdown coming sooner than he’d anticipated.

 

_ “You’re delusional.” _

 

They were backstage and Tyler fell into a couch, sobbing into his hands. Somebody grabbed him and he lashed out, swinging his fist wildly as he looked up at the old man who was staring at him.

 

_ He was in an office. It was well lit unlike the darkness of backstage. He was seated on a couch, gray sweatpants on and a black t-shirt. It wasn’t what he remembered putting on before the show. _

 

_ “Tyler, what would you do?” The man asked. _

 

_ “Why do you keep asking me that? Who are you? I want to go back. Where’s Josh?” Tyler asked, looking around the office. He let out a quiet sob as he stood up and looked around, not sure how he had even gotten there. He brought hands up to his hair, tugging on it as he fought with himself to think, to remember. He couldn’t.  _

 

_ “You’re delusional,” the old man said and Tyler stared at him, mouth gaping open. He sat back down and stared, his heart beating rapidly. _

 

_ “I just came off stage, I just played my show,” Tyler said, repeating it over and over like he was trying to convince himself. He was though, wasn’t he? _

 

_ “There was no show, that’s what I’ve been asking you.” _

 

_ Tyler stayed silent, his gaze fixed on the floor. Different shades of gray looped together. It wasn’t soft carpeting like he always liked running his fingers through. It was the rough, scratchy kind that all of his schools had.  _

 

_ “What would you do?” _

 

_ Tyler finally looked up at the man, tears still leaking from his eyes. He played along with the joke. _

 

_ “If?”  _

 

_ “What would you do if it was all a dream?” _

 

Tyler stood up and shook his head. How could it have been a dream, how could it? It was all so lifelike. He remembered the girl, the shows. He remembered the friends he made and Josh, he remembered Josh so well. Tyler looked down at his arms and saw them bare. There was no paint, not even any ink pressed into his skin. The bands that he’d admired for years were gone.

 

They weren’t gone, they’d never existed. 

 

“You don’t like pain,” the man said, noticing where Tyler’s gaze went.

 

“How is it a dream? I lived through it all,” he said, trying to remember what he’d done with his life. He tried to remember at what point he’d slipped from reality and into the world he wished he could go back to.

 

“You fell into a depression after the other two members of your band quit. You moved in with your parents after dropping out of college.”

 

Tyler stared at the door, wanting to leave. He wondered how long he had left.

 

“What about Josh?” He asked quietly.

 

“You stayed friends for awhile but you isolated yourself, you didn’t even talk to your parents.”

 

Tyler couldn’t imagine living in a world without Josh by his side.

 

He was ushered out of the office, pushed in the direction of his parents. They seemed concerned, his mother seeming teary-eyed. Tyler knew he was the cause of that reaction.

 

“I want to talk to Josh,” he said softly and he wasn’t sure if his mother was relieved or saddened that he was back in the real world. 

 

“Yeah, okay,” his father said quietly as they guided him out to the car. He didn’t like being back at his parents home, didn’t like his room even more. The trophies were gone and his childhood memories were gone. It was different than he last remembered, different than when he shot the video right in this very spot. He sat down on his bed, remembering the cameras in his face. He turned to look and there was nothing there except for a box on the floor labeled ‘Tyler’s.’

 

His parents brought up the phone and said that they’d managed to get ahold of Josh. He snorted like it was that hard. Josh always picked up for him.

 

_ “I’m kinda busy, can we make this quick?”  _

 

It was nothing like the voice Tyler remembered, that he’d dreamed of. This one was cold and distant and Tyler had to remind himself that he had done that of his own accord.

 

“Did we ever play together?” Tyler asked, feeling his lip quiver. He didn’t want to believe that this was real, this is what he was left with. He heard Josh sigh.

 

_ “So, you’re back?”  _ He asked, ignoring Tyler’s question for the moment. He sighed again and Tyler heard muffled talking, what sounded like an apology not meant for him.  _ “Yeah, Tyler. We played together like once. It was at a college or something and we got kicked out early. I went back to House of Heroes after that. The drummer left to spend time with his kid.” _

 

It wasn’t what Tyler wanted to hear. He wanted Josh to confirm that they had played together for years, that they had won over thousands upon thousands of hearts and minds. 

 

“We didn’t even stay friends? You promised me that we would be by each other's sides forever,” Tyler whimpered, curling up on his bed. The springs creaked and it felt foreign. He wanted the bunk of his tour bus back.

 

_ “You were the one that pushed me away. I tried to get you help and to get you to come back and face reality that things just weren’t going to work. You made me feel worthless, so, I left.” _

 

The words stung and he wished that he could go back in time, fix things. He didn’t know what to fix. He didn’t remember.

 

“We, uh, we played Madison Square Garden. Sold out two nights there,” Tyler said, a smile coming to his face. Josh hummed, unimpressed with Tyler’s fantasy memories.

 

_ “Must’ve been some dream. Look, I need to go. We’re over in Japan and calls cost me a lot. Maybe we could talk when I get back in town. Can’t promise anything but maybe.” _

 

Josh hung up after that and Tyler almost screamed.

 

Tyler rolled to the other side of his bed and dug around until he found the journal, the same one where he wrote moving word after moving word. It was the journal that had the words that moved that girl. He wanted to know that girl. Who she was and why she had permeated Tyler’s dream so thoroughly?

 

He opened his journal and found no words. 

 

There were doodles of pink hair and blue hair, red, purple, green. He knew whose hair it was. 

 

Tyler found his old laptop and pulled it onto his bed. He googled Josh’s band and saw that they’d released multiple albums, that they had gotten big. He saw a photo of Josh, brown hair that was cut short into a fade. His nose wasn’t pierced. He still had his lip piercing. 

 

Tyler barely recognized him.

 

There was no red eye makeup, no tattoo. He looked almost normal. 

 

Tyler walked downstairs to return the phone to his mom. She asked him how the call went and he shrugged in response.

 

“He said that maybe we can talk when he gets back. When does he get back in town?” Tyler asked, looking between his parents. His mother looked so sad.

  
“Oh, sweetie. He moved to Florida when his parents did. They don’t live here anymore.”

 

Tyler nodded woodenly as he turned and walked back upstairs to his room. He had a rubber band on his wrist and a stashed away box that had all of the things that would terrify his mother. He didn’t have the energy to even do that much. He sat on his bed and waited until his parents went to sleep. He heard them whisper back and forth about him.

 

“-delusional-”

 

“-crazy-”

 

“-poor thing-”

 

Tyler didn’t want to believe that it was all fake. 

 

It was fake and Josh hated him. Tyler could feel it. 

 

Tyler went through the box of things that someone had put away once upon a time. He set his room back up to the way he remembered, the way it had been for the video. Trophies lined the shelves and Tyler felt more at home than he had in a long time, more at peace. 

  
He snuck downstairs and pulled the pill bottles from the cabinet, taking them with him as he walked back up the stairs. He downed as much as he could, hating the way pills felt going down his throat. He downed as much as he could, only allowing himself to stop after he knew it had been enough. Tyler stood up and danced in his room. 

 

His vision swam and his head was dizzy and Tyler saw a microphone hanging from the ceiling.

 

“Wish we could turn back time,” he said with a giggle, his hands reaching up to the microphone and coming up with nothing. He blinked his eyes and the well lit room was dark again, the microphone never existed. Tyler looked around the room and then he saw the floor. He couldn’t feel his legs anymore and he had a rug burn on his cheek from falling. He laughed again as his vision closed in on him. Things were black but his eyes were open.

 

_ Delusional, delusional, I’m not delusional,  _ Tyler reminded himself as he swam in and out of consciousness. 

 

The last thing he remembered feeling was Josh holding his hand. He leaned down and whispered in Tyler’s ear.

 

_ “We’ll be by each other’s side forever, I promise.” _

 

**Author's Note:**

> if you wanna see the video then message me on kik: shrekkt 
> 
> i dont even feel bad for my song reference fight me


End file.
